I am the type of person who never really got into hanging out just for the sake of hanging out or talking sports and weather. I really like to engage with people about things that matter – things that matter to them and things that matter to me. The kinds of conversation we have around this can be stimulating, interesting, challenging, and they lend themselves toward having deeper relationships. Maybe it’s just me, but I think people settle for the shallow because life is too busy. What if we were more interested in what people thought, cared about their struggles, and were willing to enter into their pain? I think our relationships would be better. This doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t still get hurt from time to time because that’s going to happen in friendships. But to play it safe because you’re afraid of getting hurt isn’t the answer. Be willing to risk a little and start to share some things of substance with another person and see where it leads. Show interest in their lives and ask them questions that will lead to better conversation.
I know we’re all busy but why not make an effort to get with people you enjoy and start to engage them in deeper conversation. Carve out some time and make it a reality in your life. When we do these things, I think everyone grows, learns and gets a little bit better. Here are some examples of discussion starters you may want to try…
If you knew you could not fail, what would you attempt to do? Then, ask them why they won’t risk it now? This one will get people really thinking!
What’s one area of your life you’d love to make a change and why?
What’s the best thing going on in your life right now? What’s the worst?
How’d the Red Sox do last night? NOT……just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
What are the three best things happening in your family life? Are there any areas that aren’t going as planed and you’re struggling with?
These are just some quick examples that come to mind right away, but just think about the people in your life that you’d like to know better and feel like you can trust. Then, start intentionally spending time with them and look to have deeper conversations.
On another note, it’s interesting to me regarding this with married couples. The things that matter most to married couples that would make the most difference are discussions around sex, finances, time management, roles and responsibilities, but most of us would never bring up any of these subjects. Wouldn’t it be great if we actually had a couple of people in our lives where we felt safe enough to talk about these things and actually get some good advice that could help us out?
In order to do this, first we have to care enough to ask, secondly, we have to be humble enough to have give and take and believe we can improve as a result of letting others in, and thirdly, we have to be courageous because the more we open up the more opportunities there are to get hurt.
I hope that each of us takes one tiny step in this direction toward deeper conversations that help you to become a better person and deepens your relationships with a few other people.
